Oh my

Everyone warned me about fatigue: apparently, this is one of the most common side effects of chemotherapy. I thought I'd done quite well - I'd always feel tired a few days after treatment but I'd bounce back afterwards. As it turns out, I didn't actually know the meaning of fatigue till it properly hit me yesterday.

Since yesterday afternoon I have been incapable of staying up more than two hours; this morning, I pushed it and nearly passed out. I was in the middle of tidying up the children's bathroom when this wave of fatigue hit me and my vision doubled. I had to quickly rush to the bedroom where I lay down immediately and fell asleep. It's a very odd sensation - I feel tired, very weak and almost constantly dizzy. When I make any effort to do anything, I get palpitations... I'm finding it difficult to concentrate and even this blog is proving to be such an effort to write.

I've always found sleep elusive; even when pregnant, or with newborns, I could never take afternoon naps. I always envied those who could fall asleep as soon as their head touches their pillow. However, now that I find myself in the same situation, I'm very frustrated. I can't get anything done - all I want to do is lie down. Sleep is lovely when you make the decision to have it, but when you have no choice, it just gets in the way...