Thursday, 14 April 2011


...started out innocuous enough - I dropped the children off at their various playdates so that I could make my way to hospital for an MRI scan. I should've known that things weren't going to go my way when the nurse couldn't find a vein and ended up puncturing my poor arm three times, bruising me and thus making me look like a heroin addict.

I have heard numerous nightmare stories about MRI scans, especially the claustrophobia. However, as I was having my breasts scanned this really wasn't going to be an issue as I would be facing down. So I had to lie on this table/bed, very similar to one used for massages, except that it not only has a hole for the head, it also has a hole for each breast. Slightly perverted, and my word, the indignity...

I was positioned into place and told NOT TO MOVE as I was going to compromise the results. So I settled into the not very comfortable bed as they put headphones which would enable me to listen to music of my choice. I had decided against music and instead had downloaded 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue', one of my favourite radio programmes. As it turns out it was pointless as the racket made by the scanner is absolutely incredible. Because the noise took me quite by surprise as it truly is deafening, I started to get nervous and tried to calm myself down via deep breathing. Mistake. I was told off for breathing too deeply and thus making my chest move. Huh.

I left the hospital feeling quite fragile; it hit me that the coming year would be comprised of similar hospital visits. I suppose the next few months won't really belong to me; I will be a slave to this darned cancer but luckily there will be a light at the end of it all.

In the evening I saw my breast cancer surgeon to receive the results of my lymph node surgery last Tuesday. Because of the clear CT and ultrasound scans, my doctor was pretty confident that there wouldn't be any problems. Sadly, this wasn't the case. The cancer had spread to my lymph nodes. Actually, that's not correct - it had spread to one of the five lymph nodes he had taken out. So although it's not the best news, it's not the worst. Although I desperately wanted to cry when I left his office, I had to put on a brave face as I had the children with me. Needless to say, I bawled my head off as soon as they were all in bed.

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