Last Friday, feeling not as quite as rough as the previous days, I decided to download a yoga app on my iPad and preceded to do a 40-minute (gentle) yoga workout, followed by "meditation" (ie I slept). Apparently, it was not as gentle a session as I had intended because it completely knocked me out the next day. As a consequence, I ended missing out on a lovely supper at K's. So, I've learnt my lesson and have been taking it easy. Yesterday, I forayed out of the house for the first time and walked around the village. I had to get out as I was beginning to suffer from cabin fever.
Today however is LH's mum's birthday, so what better excuse to finally venture forth. So armed with a steely determination, we drove to the nearest mall where we sat and had a light meal (I find myself hungry every couple of hours or so - apparently my hopes that cancer would make me lose weight are misguided). We trawled the shops before I noticed a panic rising in my chest and the desperate need to leave overcame me. I felt that every single person I was coming into contact with was harboring germs that would stop me on this road to wellness; every unintentional cough was going to send me straight to hospital. We immediately left and once back on the road thought that I had been rather hasty, so rather than going straight home, we passed another shop, where we proceeded to do a bit of food shopping. The first half-hour were fine, but again, the panic took hold and I needed to get out.
I know - in retrospect - that my fears are ridiculous. I cannot spend the weeks between chemotherapy sessions stuck at home. But I just want to get better and any setback, caused by any form of infection, would thoroughly upset me.
I just want to get well!