Sunday, 15 May 2011


Every time I've come across an hour- or so long television programme devoted to extolling the virtues of a particular movie star, the first thing that comes to my mind is "uh-oh, he/she must be dying". Call me cynical but I'm very suspicious of unnecessary fawning.

This has come to mind because since my cancer diagnosis I have suddenly been told by so many people how beautiful I am. Flattering as this is (everyone wants to be told they're beautiful, after all) I am certainly no Angelina Jolie. Although I'm not a slob, I have enough self-respect to make sure that I leave the house with makeup and matching shoes. I've always believed in making the most of what a person has, without resorting to surgery and Botox*. However, the past month has been rough on me. Since the treatment, I now have to contend with:
1. a silly haircut and grey hair (no dyeing allowed)
2. a protrusion on my upper right arm which looks strangely like a third nipple (my portacath)
3. weight gain (I'm not exercising but am eating enough for three) and
4. bumps on my face (no-one told me about this!)
This is just the beginning of my problems because apart from most probably losing my hair, I may also lose my eyelashes and eyebrows. Which should give me a look of permanent surprise. Joy.

So, although I appreciate the kind words, I am realistic enough to know that I'm not looking my best. I promise though that I will not fall for the victim trap and start dragging my feet and wearing smelly old fleeces simply because I am ill. I will wear turbans, pretend the bumps are beauty marks, embrace my voluptuous figure and draw in my eyebrows. But you don't need to tell me that I'm beautiful. I relieve you of that responsibility. I'm not dying after all...

*Botox is one of the world's top ten deadliest poisons. If you're thinking about having it injected into your face, read this first:


  1. Excuse me. I have never accused you of being beautiful, inside or out. I have simply urged you to embrace the inner lezza until normal service can resume. Then, you won't be able to drop your standards matey, oh no. We will fully expect a glossy pelt, glossy limbs and glossy lips. We wanna see you run your 10k again (at speed). Anyway, got to go and unblock a toilet. I am not joking. You think you have it rough!

  2. Ok everyone. I am MORE than open to unnecessary fawning. SOOOOOO whatever Chinot won't have wing it my way. Though I warn you I already have protrusions, bumps, a silly haircut and a look of permanent joy, sorry, surprise.

    Oh dearest Chinot if only you knew how absolutely gorge.....Sorry . Go wash that smelly fleece NOW. One has standards afater all......
    Lynne x

  3. If I see you wearing a beautiful bandana, I shall pay a compliment to that instead. No eyelashes and eyebrows? You can always say you're a sorority pledge, and its part of initiation.

    Glad to see that blogger works again. It wasn't working for a few days.

  4. Actually your blog reminds me a lot of being pregnant. I was tired and sick ( for 30 weeks I threw up daily) . Fat all over not just where I was meant to be. I did not dye my hair for fear of what the dyes could do to my unborn son so I had confidence sucking visible roots. I had hormonal spots and was eating for three. Yet everyone told me I looked "radiant" or "glowing". So you will not be the only one around who is feels they look well below par .. count your blessings it is not a permanent state and just think how wonderful it will be when everything goes back to before.

    In pregnancy they say 9 months up and 9 months down - perhaps thats a good rule of thumb... Sx

  5. Chinot,
    Sorry I accused you of being beautiful. That was rotten of me. Hahaha.