Thank goodness - it seems as if this second round of chemotherapy has not affected me as badly as the first - I suppose knowing what I'm up against has been a big help. The fatigue has not hit me much this time; more a feeling of nausea and unease. The acid reflux has been put under control - I'm so glad I don't need to take that vile concoction that is Gaviscon any longer. It did make me retch. But as I'm paranoid and was worried about burning my esophagus, I took it anyway. Hiccoughs, and metallic taste in the mouth - still there - but they're pretty minor and something I can live with. I've found that the best solution is to not give in too much and stay in bed the whole day - because inevitably, once I'm up, I always feel much better. I suppose sometimes we just need a kick up the a*se or else we're just feeding the feeling of weakness.
Sadly my hair is still falling - I was hoping it may taper off eventually, but no such luck. Am now slowly developing the Prince William/Friar Tuck hairdo - not a look I expect to hit the fashion pages soon. So it's scarf and turban time for me. Sister T and I went out shopping the other day, and as I was shedding hair in the changing rooms each time I tried something on, and as not a lot of clothes call for a turban as a matching accessory, I bought a new roasting tin instead. As you do.
And much as I don't want to sound like a broken record, friends and family have been fantastic. Delicious food has been dropped off nearly everyday (helping me to properly attain Friar Tuck's waistline) and messages of love and support continue to come in. However, I can't seem to help the feeling of despair that has slowly started to creep in. I'm hoping that this is temporary; perhaps once I'm off this chemo fog I will feel better.
Fingers crossed.
Is the roasting tin to wear?? know people talk about tin hats in times of trouble but this is perhaps slightly extreme?? (-:
ReplyDeleteAs for despair, I'm sure part of it is down to the yukky effects of chemo, but equally you would be certifiable if you didn't at times sucuumb to thinking this whole thing is deeply unfair and horrid. It is and I think it's good every now and again to feel sad about that, then refocus and keep going!
And long may the doorstep fairies keep doing their work. With any luck you may not have to use the roasting tin for months! (so you really CAN wear it!) Lxx
Haha, that's the first thing I thought too: for someone I consider inherently stylish, I can't see Chinot starting a trend with her tin hat!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you're not feeling so awful this time; sounds like you may have found what works for you. It would appear that like all things, moderation is key. And that includes despair unfortunately. It would be a bit unusual if you hadn't experienced some darker moments in all of this. However, I don't think melancholy is your natural bedfellow, so don't allow him to visit too often! Lots of love xxx